Written by Monkey Woods
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Wednesday, 30 May 2007

image for Miss Great Britain Search In Birmingham Proves Fruitless
Aye aye, she's not from Brum!

Miss Great Britain organisers searching for contestants to enter the upcoming competition were unable to find a suitable entrant from the Birmingham area - and picked one from Stoke-on-Trent instead.

The selection team pored tirelessly over thousands of gruesome photographs sent to them by prospective candidates, and, as it became clear that the search would have to be widened, they hit the streets.

After weeks of hunting high and low, however, the team admitted defeat, and chose Sophie Wilson from the Potteries.

Ashley Blake, the BBC Midlands Today presenter, refusing to believe that his beloved Brum was "devoid of divas", took to the centre of the Second City himself to prove the organisers wrong.

"All day I tried", he said. "Up and down Corporation Street and round and around the Bullring. It was no good. Birmingham is full of beasts."

TheSpoof sent its own undercover reporter Fife Peterson into the town to gauge the public's reaction. This proved pointless. After speaking to various unlovely specimens who were either misshapen, deformed, grotesque or had beards, he was attacked by The Zuluesses, a gang of female Birmingham City fans, led by Tricia Snott, last year's Miss Birmingham.

Shopper Jackie Overweight, who could not verbally be understood by Peterson, scribbled down her comments. She wrote:

"I'm goodlooking. They shoulda picked me."

She was immediately whisked away, and booked to appear at the Birmingham Comedy Club next Sunday.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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