Written by Greg Creedy
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Tuesday, 29 May 2007

image for Diana's Heart Up For Grabs
The Queen Of Hearts

Channel 4 are to team up with Dutch TV station BNN to create a show offering Princess Diana's heart to one lucky female contestant.

The Queen of Hearts's Heart will be given to the contestant most deserving as voted for by both British and Dutch viewers in a show to be broadcast in both the UK and Holland on the anniversary of the princess's death.

Each contestant will be paraded in a Catherine Walker bikini before an estimated TV viewing audience of, according to Channel 4, eight billion.

"Ideally, we're looking for someone with all the qualities Diana had. Or failing that, someone desperately in need of a new heart," said Channel 4 spokesman, Fred Faustus.

Tory MP for Kitten-On-The-Wool, Hugo Toofar, said the whole idea was sickening.

"The very thought that a dirty Dutchwoman could get the heart of our beloved Diana makes me want to vomit up my foie gras. Only English ladies should be given entry to this competition. Other than that objection, I think this is a splendid idea. Well done Channel 4 and, er, that dirty Dutch channel."

At the moment, the princess's heart is suspended in formaldehyde as part of Damien Hirst's exhibition, "The Physical Impossibility of the Daily Express Going A Day Without A Diana Story."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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