Written by Swiss Tony
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Tuesday, 29 May 2007

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Bet Lynch

Ageing Coronation street barmaid Bet Lynch was rearrested having briefly tasted freedom yesterday from jail following her earlier extradition from the Rovers Return to Italy.

Despite claiming "it was all a misunderstanding", her story of ignorance and denials of collusion with a branch of one of the most sinister and secret organisations in the world, does not altogether hang together.

For nearly 28 years in Italy, she was the closest person in the world to Antonio Rinzivillo, convicted murderer, drugs trafficker, and extortionist.

Yet she insisted, once the cameras rolled, she had never once asked him a single question about any of this:

"Honestly?", I asked?

"Never," she said. "And even if he would have asked me, I'm not the sort of person that would have turned round and told him, so I simply kept schtum."

The Manchester vowels were as pronounced as if she had never left the North West. And the hair-do was long past its best.

In a massive undercover Interpol operation it was revealed in court that Lynch, 104 was the "Manc brains" behind importing 250MT of cocaine in Sky cricket's Bet Fair blimp.

A Sky TV spokesman admitted he never knew "what with the West Indies here on tour, Botham and Richards, yeah we should have known."

The forward weather forecast for the third test is said to be traditional Lancashire day "overcast with fog rolling in from the pavilion."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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