The truth about the mystery of crop circles is out. For we can reveal that they have nothing to do with extra-terrestrial visitors but more to do with a group of pole dancers from Gloucester.
Jan's People, have been out practicing their raunchy routines in the countryside and the side effect has been the proliferation of the mystic circles throughout the county.
Our reporter slipped Jan a 20 pound note and as she gyrated around she told us.
"We are surprised that people have confused our practice areas with visitations from another world but..."
She then stopped and demanded another 20.
"But as I was saying. They're totally wrong"
And veteran Troggs frontman, Reg Presley, comments:
"I thought that it was space visitors and blow me it turns out to be down to nothing more than some wild things! Still you gotta laugh haven't you?"
He then whipped out a set of pan pipes and played the solo to Wild Thing there and then.