Ian Beefy Botham is to be made a "Sir" in the forthcoming honours list and in characteristic fashion, the beer-swilling pot-head is hopping mad despite his good news.
The former be-mulleted star told our reporter:
"What a load of crap. We couldn't even finish the Windies off when we had them on the rack! What the hell was Vaughan doing letting it rain for the last day!?
We've had lovely weather week after week and he let's that happen. Just bloody pathetic. It wasn't like that when Lamby and I were out there!"
The former darling of the crease then swept from the room and chinned a photographer as he left telling him "out of my fucking way you scum-ball"
He then left for trendy West End watering hole, The Ivy, where he ordered a crate of Bacardi Breezers and a small scotch and drank heavily before returning home at 5.30am in a tired and emotional state.