Written by Fergus McCarthy
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Topics: Dogs, London, Blind

Friday, 25 May 2007

image for London Looney Left Council issue Blind Dog with sighted human carer
Ms Nipleklampf pictured yesterday on a good day

Political correctness and Animal rights were taken to the extreme today when an unemployed Lesbian mother of 3 was given community health and disability funding by her local Council to appoint a full time human carer for her partially sighted Rotweiller bitch 'Butch'

Camdenlambethden Council spokesperson Lucinda Yaroight confirmed today that the funding believed to be in the region of 130,000 pounds sterling had been approved today by an overwhelming majority.

When asked by our Spoof reporter why a dog had been appointed a special needs carer at a time when pensioners are being forced to wait up to 3 years for a hip replacement Ms Yaroight told The Spoof, "I can completely understand why people are upset but at the end of the day as somebody once said "You cant please all of the people all of the time" So why bother.

The dog's owner, butch bitch Kylie Niplklampf applied to the Council for help with the bitch Butch after her long time lover ran away to join the Travelling Wilbury's and find her Gspot.

She said: "Yeah it's bollocks right, what am I supposed ta fackin do eh? A'v got free fackin kids ta fackin mind and I only fackin remember avin 2 of um, mind you I don't remember any of their dads so what can you fackin do?

"S'pose I'll just ave to ta keep the little bawstard wiv the uver little fackers, See what I fackin mean John? I aint got time to look after a fackin dog?

"Fackin bawstard'd cost me 70 pound out of me Giro to get him put down so I fought the the best fing to do was to get the smelly twat ome elp.

"It's great, they sent a puff wiv new trainers round to walk the dog and e even babysits while I go out on the pull.

"God Bless Tony Bear for what e's done for this country.

"E's fackin gweat!!!!!"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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