In a shock announcement today, after decades of being branded the thickest town in the UK, Birmingham's residents were found to have the highest I.Q. on the planet!
New Mensa Chief, Dr Dudley Brum conducted the month long study after amending the test to make it more fair. The results were astonishing. The average I.Q. in the City Centre was found to be 180!
Yesterday, prior to this surprising announcement, I managed to get a quick interview with Dr Brum, while visiting the City. It took me a while to get to his office, as the bus driver seemed to be going the wrong way. When I asked him if he knew where he was going, after just a 10 second delay, he replied 'oi daownt naow'. Clearly I wasn't able to communicate with someone of such high intelligence, so I decided to get off the bus and complete the journey on foot. I thought I would be late, but was reassured after I asked a local for the time, which she cleverly replied 'dinner toime'.
When I met Dr Brum he explained to me how he corrected the old style I.Q. test. 'The old formula to calculate I.Q. was 100 MA/CA. I corrected this to 100 MA/DB'. He went on to explain that DB means 'distance from Birmingham'. This would mean that a chimpanzee living in the City Centre would have an I.Q. of 210. The locals don't fare so well but still reach a staggering 180! - genius!
In a later development, a spokesman from Oxford University announced that they will dismantle all the Oxford colleges brick by brick and relocate them to Birmingham.