Beaming Generals emerged from a high level Army meeting today with the announcement that Prince Harry will go to Iraq, but not to fight. He is to join a Concert Party.
The Concert Party is a troupe of soldiers with special skills, such as singing, dancing or dressing up as women, who provide light entertainment for the real troops in a war-torn country. The idea was first used during the Great War, though it was made famous by the BBC programme "It Ain't Half Hot, Mum", which featured British soldiers in a concert party in India.
Prince Harry is expected to come on stage wearing a Nazi uniform and a G string, singing "Should I stay or should I go now, If I go there will be trouble, And if I stay it will be double". He will then punch a reporter and finally his bottom will apologise, proving that it really is a "sorry ass".
An Army spokesman revealed that the risks to Prince Harry's safety if he was part of a Concert Party would be nil. "The Koran says that Moslems should kill all infidels, unless they are members of a Concert Party". Islamic scholar and part-time terrorist Mohammed Aswan confirmed this, adding a note of warning, "Prince Harry will have to prove that he really is part of a Concert Party. If he turns out to be crap or not funny or sings out of tune, or if his bottom forgets to apologise to people, then Moslems can treat him as no longer part of a Concert Party."
The spokesman also revealed that Prince Harry will be joined by the sailor who was recently captured by the Iranians and burst into tears because they confiscated his ipod, and Pete Docherty. "Strictly speaking, Pete Doherty isn't in the Army, but everyone wanted him to be sent to Iraq anyway".