Written by Bob Muppet
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Topics: Fashion, Jordan

Tuesday, 27 January 2004

image for Jordan Eats Ant's Tentacles Then Dec's Testicles
Search Goes On For Missing Tentacle

Things really started hotting up in the Australian bush last night, when top fashion babe, Jordan,  took offence at Dec, the cherub-like presenter and bit off his left tentacle. 

 

Viewers have often complained at the disgusting trials the celebrities have to endure and top psychologists have warned that an unstable celebrity might ‘snap' under the intense pressure.

 

Alan Barnes, an R.S.P.C.A. officer, related the events that led to the incident:

 

‘My mate and me was brought in to make sure that none of the slugs, snakes and creepy crawlies suffered any unnecessary pain during the making of the ‘I'm a Celebrity - Get Me Out Of Here'.

 

‘We stayed with the presenters and film crew for most of the time.'

 

‘We were surprised when one of the celebrities jumped out of the bush and leapt on young Dec, forcing him to the ground.'

 

‘The next thing we knew, there was blood all over the place and this gorgeous, heavilly breasted babe was going ballistic.'

 

Doctors were on the scene immediately, but attempts to sew Dec 's tentacle back on proved unsuccessful.

 

Jenny Bond, the posh celebrity, summed up the mood in the camp;

 

‘It takes real balls to survive in the Bush - And now, Dec isn't quite up to it.'

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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