The leaps forward taken in the peace process in Ireland resulting in an unprecedented union between the Reverend Ian Paisley and former IRA commander Martin McGuiness today suffered a severe blow over the debacle that was the Irish entry in Eurovision.
"Never, never, never, " shouted Paisley, banging his fist with emotion, "will Ireland live down this failure on the part of the Republicans."
McGuiness countered the accusations by demanding that "Dervish will be knee-capped on their return to these green shores."
The Irish "band" who scooped a measly 5 sympathy points, coming bottom in the contest between 24, mainly Balkan countries with a smattering of Western European entries, were today said to be in hiding with the group of travellers they were recruited from.
They released the following statement, "We were instructed to lose the contest because Ireland didn't want to host it again this year, we achieved this with Irish stereotypical dancing, banging on tambourines and using a completely tone-deaf lead singer in a gypsy dress.We feel we did a good job."
Rev Paisley commented "I said we should enter a drag act dressed in silver disco-ball outfits, call each other "bitches" and have fake cats attached to their collars. Once again the wishes of the Democratic Unionists were ignored."