Windsor - (Ass Mess): Clearly unfazed by recent romantic disappointments Prince William has financed an innovative internet-integrated strip club in a former pub called the Windsor Castle just yards away from his army barracks and asked brother Harry to join him in the venture that has so far swallowed up their entire £££s personal allowance until 2012.
Pals say the idea came to William after a recent visit to the Slough Spearmint Rhino where he buried his head in the crotch of a comely Russian danceuse after paying her £300 for one sixty-second snort.
Footage of the event was soon snapped up by regimental pals who had paid £100 per minute of the encrypted video transmission received in their mess-room PC.
Harry's new club is called Brazilian and offers patrons the chance of being entertained by naked lapdancers whose gyrations can be camcordered at £100 per minute before being relayed over the internet back to chaps at the barracks in the newly-dubbed Laptop Dancing extravaganza.
"We see this as an immense growth market with limitless potential," said a co-shareholder.
"Live laptop dancing is merely in its infancy and we are gonna make a packet from this scam."