Written by Spartacus the Bull
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Topics: Superheroes, Roads

Saturday, 12 May 2007

image for Green cross code man killed 'just yards from zebra crossing'
Stop. Look. Listen. - At some point you're supposed to cross...but no-one mentioned that part.

Former road safety superhero the Green Cross Code Man has been killed after being knocked down near to a pedestrian crossing in his local town. The giant man known to millions for his tireless campaign to warn children of the dangers of crossing the road was pronounced dead on arrival at hospital.

A police statement confirmed that the driver was blameless as the Green Cross code man just walked out from behind a parked car. 'He didn't stop, look left or right and wasn't listening as he had his Ipod on. We can't confirm reports that he was texting at the time too, but a mobile phone was found at the scene.'

Times had been hard in recent years for the superhero. His glory days of the late seventies saw him in national demand and a string of lucrative advertising deals. He was a hit with the ladies and a popular guest on chat shows. Children's tastes are fickle however and he soon drifted from the limelight once the road safety ads stopped running.

Later, he scratched a living from the occasional pantomime season and rare public appearances. Recently, to his shame, he was exposed as a rent boy during an undercover investigation by a Sunday tabloid with clients eager to relive bizarre fantasies from their youth. In his most recent interview he revealed that he had turned to drugs in a battle to 'censure the demons' which led to bankruptcy and a period of homelessness.

Local people generally felt that he cut a sad and lonely figure and received several police warning for suddenly appearing behind children who tried to cross between parked cars. One woman commented 'It's a sad day really. He was a nice ordinary superhero with very limited powers, but the national exposure and fame changed him. Most people respected what GC had done in the 70's but he was becoming a nuisance in the end. The local kids didn't really know who he was, to be honest a guy in his sixties dressed in a green and white lycra suit just isn't right. Most of the kids thought he was just a bit creepy."

The funeral takes place this Thursday and once and for all we can confirm that 'he won't be there when you cross the road.'

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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