Written by Monkey Woods
Rating:

Share/Bookmark
Print this

Saturday, 12 May 2007

image for Body Parts Vendors Get Jail
This old hag makes a wonderful stew, you know...

Six people appeared at the Old Bailey yesterday charged with unlawfully selling, or trying to sell, integral and 'essential' human body parts. Kidneys, lungs, arms and a testicle were all sold, sometimes for as little as £15, and, in some cases, for even less during the January Sales.

Christopher Goulash, of West London, sold one of his kidneys and his liver for £120 to an Indian woman who was making a stew for a wedding party last December.

His accomplice, Arnold Lepper, also of London, offloaded a lung and one of his testicles to an Arab sheik, and his right leg to a Harley Street clinic, in order to raise money to send his son to university. As a result, he was given a 2-year suspended jail term, and an 18-month ban on selling any other parts of his anatomy.

In the worst case of its kind, police arrested Archie Forster for attempting to sell his head on eBay. A detective posed as a buyer, and when the two met to conclude the deal in a Glasgow car park, undercover officers pounced and managed to place Forster in custody with his bonce still attached and intact.

Three others, a man and two women, were sentenced to a total of 16 years, for supplying arms, eyes, kneecaps and breasts to people who didn't already have them. Davis Mellor, of Kensington, a well-known arms dealer, got a slap on the wrist.

Lung, leg and testicle vendor Lepper, a car mechanic, was defiant as he was led away to begin his sentence, and shouted to reporters outside the court:

"My body and its various parts are mine to do with as I see fit. I am currently taking offers on my arse."

Make Monkey Woods's day - give this story five thumbs-up (there's no need to register, the thumbs are just down there!)

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

If you fancy trying your hand at comedy spoof news writing, click here to join!

Print this

More by this writer

View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story

Share/Bookmark

Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Email:

What's 3 multiplied by 3?

1 9 18 3
62 readers are online right now!

Go to top