Written by JonSon
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Topics: Death, Scotland, Hospital

Thursday, 10 May 2007

image for Dead Man Walking in Scotland
Cleaning staff regularly take the place of doctors

A man who was declared dead at a hospital in Scotland was later found alive after officials mounted a search believing they'd lost the body.

Brendan O'Callaghan (formerly deceased), 34, was spotted in a nearby Burger King eating a double whopper with bacon and cheese meal - he was still wearing his surgical smock and toe tag identification label.

A spokesman from St. Andrew's Hospital of the Unquestionable Truth said: "A search was conducted after it was brought to our attention that a dead body was missing from the morgue. A person matching the cadaver's description was spotted by a member of the hospital staff and was conclusively identified at distance by a distinguishing tattoo on his left buttock."

Apparently Mr. O'Callaghan had fallen asleep in the toilet as his pre-operative medication took effect. He was later found by janitorial staff who mistakenly assumed he was dead before shipping him off to the morgue for storage and processing.

When interviewed, Mr O'Callaghan said: "I couldn't believe it when they told me I was dead. I'd only gone into hospital for an ingrown toenail operation. I think I'm going to sue for emotional trauma...I'm sure that toilet cleaner touched my balls!"

Early reports suggest no medical staff were involved in the decision to pronounce Mr O'Callaghan dead-on-scene as janitors in Scottish hospitals have fully delegated authority to sign death certificates, issue prescriptions and administer euthanasia drugs in the absence of clinical staff.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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