Written by JonSon
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Wednesday, 9 May 2007

image for RAF Training Midgets to Fly Mini Jet Planes - Dwarves Outraged!
A POLTUH

Reports have recently surfaced that the Royal Air Force is believed to be actively recruiting midgets to pilot a new generation of miniature reconnaissance and fast attack aircraft.

Wing Commander Rowan of the RAF's experimental flight and logistics division said during a telephone interview:

"Roger that, the RAF is indeed looking into the advantages of using POLTUHs [Persons of Less Than Usual Height] but I'm not at liberty to divulge the exact nature of their designation."

Speculation has surrounded the RAF's use of POLTUHs ever since it emerged the government rubber stamped a consignment of stunt kites and child-sized uniforms with matching adult sized berets. Wing Commander Rowan said:

"The uniforms were purchased from a specialist tailoring outfit in Aldershot and the kites were requisitioned for squadron based recreation and aerial dog-fighting training purposes. There is absolutely no veil of secrecy surrounding our new recruitment initiative as the RAF is a dedicated equal opportunity employer and is committed to gaining a tactical advantage in the skies"

The aircraft designated for the new wing are believed to be re-calibrated drone jets which are currently deployed in Iraq and Afghanistan. The RAF is thought to be taking steps to man the craft after a series of high profile "asset losses" over enemy territory prompted the Air Force upper-echelon to reconsider its approach to recon and air/ground attack.

History has shown midgets have played an active and successful role in the defence and espionage efforts of the U.K. for many a year. As far back as the Hundred Years War, documents have shown that British midgets were smuggled onto cargo ships and deployed overseas with instructions to infiltrate foreign administrations and gain employment as trusted court jesters.

Furthermore, During the Nazi occupation of France in the Second World War, reports surfaced that midget spies were pressed into service, loaded into cannons and fired over the English Channel into enemy held territory with nothing more than a parachute, a long-wave field radio and a French peasant disguise - their aerodynamic qualities were a major consideration for the task and they proved to be the second most successful non-conventional unit in the British Armed Forces behind the Army's elite VICDR (Visually Impaired Covert Demolition Regiment).

Two midgets are highly distinguished as holders of the Military Cross, a decoration awarded for acts of conspicuous gallantry during wartime.

Any further confirmation regarding the RAF's use of midgets will be made by the Ministry of Defence if the story develops further however it is expected Des Browne, UK Defence Secretary, may make a public statement after it emerged a dwarf applied to the air force but her application was turned down for classified reasons.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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