The world was rocked yesterday when news that the late King Charles of England, was brought back to life from his frozen haven. Only to find that his ears had been well… chopped off.
At around 21.22 Monday evening the Royal family were informed of this disaster. Prince Benjiman, spokesperson for the family, gave a short statement yesterday afternoon when it was revealed to the world. "We are obviously very upset about this matter. I hope they catch the hooligan who done this. I'd like to give him a piece of my mind". In addition, he also stated that Charles was coping well with the ordeal, although all mirrors and other reflective objects have been removed from his home in an attempt to keep this emotional time less painful."
Dr. I Manutcase, who has specialised in ear amputations for nearly one week at St Bob's hospital, London, spoke to The Spoof in an exclusive interview last night, and is quoted as saying. "The ears must have been removed for some time, possibly by a blunt instrument". Another doctor at the hospital Dr. D Olitlle has also stated that the damage done was not long term and it is thought that the ears will grow back, naturally within the next 50 years. But, with the help and expertise from the team at the hospital they could reduce this time to around 49 years.
Police admitted yesterday that it is not yet known who committed the crime, although King Macherbet of Scotland is prime suspect. It is known fact that he was very jealous of Charles's ears and the fame they brought him. He himself being frozen, will have to be defrosted and brought to trial. Having said, nearly 300 years of C.C.T.V footage will have to be analysed before this can happen, making it a very long and painstaking process. D.I James Pond simply said "we will catch him". He also requested that the Royal family be left to grieve, in pieces at this traumatic time.
The public have had much to say about the matter. One person, who can not be named for legal reasons, said "this is disastrous. Charles is my idol. I always hoped my ears would grow as big as his one day. Now all my dreams have been shattered."
The Spoof have plans for condolence books to be placed around the country, so keep yours ears open for one in your area. Until then, from everyone here at The Spoof, all the best Charles.
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