Written by Monkey Woods
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Tuesday, 8 May 2007

image for Queen Attends Kentucky Derby
Sorry, pheasant's off!

The Queen fulfilled one of her lifelong ambitions at the weekend, when she partook of a meal at Kentucky Fried Chicken. Her Majesty had been past outlets on numerous occasions, but had never actually sampled the culinary delights served therein, until last Saturday, when she became "rather peckish" after a day at the races.

Travelling home from Thirsk, the Queen and her husband, the Duck of Edinburgh, passed through Derby, where the Queen noticed the now-famous KFC signage with its representation of the American Civil War soldier Colonel Harland Sanders. Having won £25 on an each-way double, the Royals decided to "stop off for a bite", and went in.

As a "special treat" the Queen ordered Honey BBQ wings with potato wedges for the famished Duke, and, after finding that pheasant wasn't available, grabbed a Zinger Burger with fries for herself. They both had a Pepsi to wash their meals down.

Staff at the Derby branch said there were a couple of "regional language difficulties". First, when the Queen and Her husband wanted to remove the grease from their Royal Mouths and Fingers, the term "napkins" wasn't easily understood, the locals preferring to use the more provincial "tissue".

Then, when Prince Philip wanted to empty his bowels, he asked food assistant Carole Middleton where the "lavatory" was. There was a brief impasse before Carole realised what was meant, and despatched the Duke in the direction of the bogs.

The Couple are thought to have enjoyed their experience, and say they will "definitely call in again" in the future.

The Queen has said that she first became aware of KFC when her grandson Harry, who is "almost normal", mentioned it to her at a recent polo match.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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