Written by Toby Maller
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Monday, 7 May 2007

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Leeds, UK - Supermarket giant Tesco is facing court action after an online shopper had an accident on the company's website. Anna Lovescock claimed she clicked on a broken link on Tesco.com, resulting in virtually serious injuries.

Ms Lovescock - a teacher from Leeds - said she suffered the cyber injuries whilst shopping for her weekly groceries.

Ambulance chaser

In a letter to Tesco, her solicitor claimed that Ms Lovescock's injuries "virtually prevented her from working for 2 weeks."

Speaking to the BBC's Watchdog programme Ms Lovescock said: "I was virtually shopping for carrots when I clicked on the link. Next thing I knew I was completely disorientated. No virtual staff helped me and I had to find my own way back to the homepage."

Ms Lovescock added she was "fucking amazed" that there was no accident book in which she could record her cyber fall.

She also slammed the company for not tidying up the broken link and not placing a warning cone to alert other customers.

Work-shy fuckwits

Ms Lovescock levelled further criticism at management for poor staffing levels at the store, explaining how she had to empty her own basket and check out her own shopping, despite her virtual injuries.

If successful, the case could open the floodgates for thousands of other claims against online retailers from shoppers who've had accidents on websites owing to broken links, rogue pop-ups and unprovoked bot attacks.

In other news, a man from Kent has won a legal case against software giant Symantec.

Brian Snot sued the company after his version of their Norton Antivirus programme failed to prevent him from contracting the flu virus.

Cyber junkie

Mr Snot was infected after uploading personal data via a portable USB port.

Speaking outside the court, a spokesperson from Symantec assured other customers that additional protection had now been built into the programme, but warned users of the dangers of sharing portable USB devices.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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