Written by Monkey Woods
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Thursday, 3 May 2007

image for Prince William Was Attracted To Kate's Mum, Not Kate
"Reach inside the boiler cupboard..."

Carole Middleclass, the mother of Prince William's ex-girlfriend Kate Middleclass, is in the news again after it emerged that she was the main reason behind her daughter's premature Royal break-up.

Sources close to the Prince have said that the very things about Mrs Middleclass that the Queen found so repellent - her down-to-earth characteristics and coarse language - are what attracted William to her...until she overstepped the mark.

The source, who cannot be named due to being worried about becoming the recipient of a 'Diana Spencer experience' said that the Prince found spending time with Mrs Middleclass amongst the lower grades of society, "extremely rewarding and worthwhile". He especially liked the relaxed atmosphere of farting and burping that Kate's family practises, and listening to the gravelly tones of, what turned out not to be, His future mother-in-law.

William had told Buckingham Palace staff in confidence, that He "adored" the way Mrs M used the word "toilet", and said that He had become "aroused" when she had one day asked Him to "reach inside the boiler cupboard and pass me some bogroll".

Once His grandma had heard about it though, the game was up, and Wills was 'advised' that Kate "wasn't the one" for Him.

Mrs Middleclass, an ex-air hostess and juggler, is still being consoled over her loss, and is thought to be considering legal action over loss of future income.

Clarence House last night said:

"We are amused."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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