Written by Monkey Woods
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Wednesday, 2 May 2007

image for Animal Fighting Organiser Gets Jail
A tenner on the Bunny!

A man arrested for organising cruel fights between animals, has today been sentenced to five years in prison at Birmingham Crown Court.

Barry Chavsworth staged the contests at his home in the Handsworth area of the city, where spectators could watch dogs, cats, cockerels, parrots, chaffinches, hamsters and piranha fish battling each other, often to the death, whilst huge amounts of dole money changed hands through illegal gambling.

One punter, who refused to give his name because his wife thought he had gone to the football to see the Wolves, said:

"Ah love the wolf wrestlin'! It's reely educational. All koinds of animals fightin' in there. There wuz even a couple of elks!"

Another, Wayne Lazybones, from Lascelles, slavered as he told reporters:

"Ah won a foiver in the Chaffinch Challenge. Ahm reely thick, yanow."

Police were called to the Chavsworth house last November when neighbours heard the distressed cries of sheep coming from an upstairs bedroom window. When they entered the property, they discovered pairs of sheep, badgers, poodles, giraffes and hippopotami, as well as hundreds of pounds and several dozen Chavs.

West Midlands Police Detective Stu Piddity showed his obvious disgust when he said:

"It wuz sickenin'.
Moind yaw, ah won £20 when one o' the poodles beated-up a sheep!"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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