Written by Rodd Justice
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Topics: suicide, Israeli

Friday, 23 January 2004

image for LibDem MP in Shock Suicide Bomb Claim
Sorry, but could you please read my sign.

Unbelievably wishy-washy LibDem MP Lackov Spine was sacked today after announcing that "if I were an Israeli, I would let a suicide bomber blow me up, so that he won't be upset."

The party leader distanced himself from the MP tonight, stating that he would not associate himself with such pathetic views, but hoped they would still be the nicest of friends.

Critics of the party say that this demonstrates a lack of backbone and a failure to get tough with today's problems, or indeed anything. In the 2001 election, a day after Precott thumped an egg-lobbing protestor, a LibDem candidate was beaten to death by 2,000 umbrella impacts from a tiny old lady. He had been too polite to request her to stop.

On Newsnight last night, Jeremy Paxman challenged a leading party figure on the LibDem's lack of tenacity:
Paxman: "I put it to you that your party isn't fit to be in government and you are destined to stay on the sidelines!"
LibDem: "Thanks for your point, but I disagree."
Paxman: "Give me one reason why I should believe that the LibDems would be a good party in government."
LibDem: "Err…OK, you're probably right. Sorry."

However, a spokesman said that the Lib Dems are standing up for sensible policies, like replacing criminal sentences with a fairer ‘please stop' requests and banning teachers from raising their voices in schools in case a child cries.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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