Written by Bannon Orcus
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Monday, 30 April 2007

Five men have been convicted at the Old Bailey of conspiring to cause explosions in Britain. The trial heard they had enough explosives for a gigantic bomb of planet destroying proportions.

Police officials concluded that no target had yet been assigned for the bomb, held in a warehouse seemingly built for the purpose of holding fertiliser, but believe that it was the same pattern as other terrorist attacks that haven't happened.

"If they had got it right it would have been catastrophic," says Professor Alan Hatcher, who spent 20 years as a bomb disposal expert with Asda, "it was fortunate that they had nothing but fertiliser in their warehouse"

When asked how big the blast could have been? Professor Alan Hatcher blustered that "it would have been blummin' big"

In an exercise, Police technicians built a bomb with half the fertiliser stored by the British company, and blew a local phone box into a greasy spot.

The five men of Bodle Brothers in Burgess Hill, Sussex are yet to be jailed awaiting an appeal.

A Police spokesman claimed that "The accused claim they have been safely making fertiliser for 25 years and didn't we find it strange that they called themselves Bodle Brothers Fertilizer a bit obvious", He further added "They obviously didn't account for our tenacious stupidity".

"The 230tonne bomb would take out a large part of Suffolk if they had got the mix, the detonators, most other ingredients, and the timing right, it would have been devastating."

In recent years the police and MI5 have been working hard to build up relationships with manufacturers, wholesalers and importers to educate them about the dangers and to urge them to be aware of the lack of understanding of Professors and upper management who just want to have their name in the paper.

A spokesman for Bodle Brothers said: "Why did we sell the bags? Because farmers want to buy it. That's what we do."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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