Written by Gareth Carpenter

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Topics: Thailand, Bird Flu

Friday, 23 January 2004

image for UK nightclubs hit by bird flu alert
Has your bird got flu?

Male clubbers in the UK are steering clear of popular night spots amid fears that they could contract the deadly bird flu virus currently rampant in Thailand.

Promoters at Southend night-club Scrubbers confirmed that in a bid to halt an alarming decline in takings, they were having to offer free entry to young men terrified at catching the killer disease.

"I love birds me, right, but like, you never know if any of ‘em have got it," said Paul Wilkie, 19, of Chelmsford. "I'm keepin' it in my trousers for a while, knowha'imean?"

Iain Frost, 22, from Epping, said he was worried his girlfriend may have already contracted the virus.

"She went on holiday to Thailand last year," he revealed. "I dunno if she had any lesbian action out there, but it makes you wonder."

One young man, Barry Wright from Billericay said he was unconcerned by the alert and would continue to court females.

"This should work to my advantage," he said. "I reckon there'll be tonnes more shaggable birds out there just gaggin' for it."

One man who was interviewed became violent when it was suggested to him that he could become gay to avoid the disease.

"F*** off, you sick perv," he said. "I ain't rogering no geezer."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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