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Friday, 23 January 2004

Defence Minister Geoff Hoon was reportedly furious last night at the news of an MOD overspend. According to an MOD spokesman "Geoff went nuts, he was ranting about not being told anything by the department." Its seems the that MOD officials failed to inform Mr Hoon about the overspend, instead leaking the information to the Sun and Times Newspapers.

Procurement minister Lord Bach informed waiting media this morning that "it is a commonly held belief that News Corp. run the government, and whilst we can't be seen to agree it seemed appropriate to let our bosses know in advance. Mr Hoon would, as is always the case, have been informed in due course, this is usually sometime after its too late."

A spokesman for the national audit office, who first highlighted the over spend said "Obviously we'll have to alter the accounts slightly, it would seem Euan has been charging his late night movies to a Defence ministry credit card mummy let him use. This combined with the cost of Gordon and Tony's Spearmint Rhinos account should, once deducted, bring the MOD back in under budget, good job they didn't buy any equipment really isn't it?"

A furious Cherie Blair denied any wrong doing saying "Listen you scum when I'm first lady, I'll spend your bloody peasants money any fucking way I want so you may as well get used to it. Euan wouldn't be watching late nights movies, he's always passed out by ten o'clock, and lets face it if you were Tony wouldn't you be down spearmint Rhinos? I mean look at the state of me. No matter what Carole does for me I always end up looking like I've been dragged through a hedge backwards and then slapped in the face with a frying pan"

A Tory spokesman confirmed that Mr Howard "would be raising the matter at Prime Ministers questions, after all if the PM can have a Rhino's account paid for by the public then the leader of the official opposition should at least get free entry."

Charles Kennedy speaking to reporters whilst recording his new show Stoners Unite, reuniting long lost stoner housemates, quipped "I'm sure Tony's friend Peter would be more than happy to offer Michael a free entry! If not I could arrange for a couple of my colleagues to pop round some time."

The treasury have denied that "Gordon ever attended Pearmont Rino, what ever the hell that is. Clearly he's far to busy thinking of ways to steal from the middle classes and give to his friends. Anyway everyone knows Gordon gets his kicks from Algebra not figures."

The press complaints commission are too look into the accuracy of the claims made in various comics masquerading as newspapers.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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