Prince Harry was today said to be thrilled at landing the lead role in acclaimed play Equus. The palace is said to be behind the move, in a last ditch attempt to avoid Harry being shipped to Iraq. Privately, Prince Philip is said to have declared, "Better to have his knob out than blown off by some foreign-type."
Prince Harry himself seemed completely relaxed at the thought of simulating sex on stage and blinding horses. "I know horses very well, coming from the family I do, and combined with my military training I think I can do a pretty good job of blinding them for real. As far as the simulating sex goes, well I haven't much acting experience so I thought I would actually do the sex properly, obviously depending on the actress though - I'm not publicly shagging some munter."
The Palace today refused to comment on stories sold to the press by some of Harry's army friends under such titles as "Thank God he's Gone" and "Now we won't all be Targets thanks to having that Twit in our Regiment."
However, Prince Charles personal aide is said to be drawing up plans to force the public into the play at gunpoint if ticket sales start to fall.
Andrew Lloyd Webber was today said to be distraught after his plans to stage another TV series for a new leading man for Equus lay in ruins. I was so looking forward to doing "Stallion-Factor" sobbed a tearful Graham Norton.