Written by Monkey Woods
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Thursday, 26 April 2007

image for Alan Ball/Boris Yeltsin Funerals Mix-up
Sir Alan Ball RIP

There was confusion today on both sides of the Iron Curtain over the funerals of ex-Russian President Boris Yeltsin, and former England World Cup winner Alan Ball, who is dead.

In a hitherto unprecedented mix-up of superhuman proportions, Mr Yeltsin was buried on Blackpool beach, whilst the squeaky-voiced ginger-haired midfield dynamo found himself laid to rest in the desolate Novodevichy cemetery in Moscow.

It's thought by senior executives at the English Football Association, that the British and Soviet governments are 'in cahoots', and may have come to some 'secret arrangement', although officials from both countries have denied that the tiny Mr Ball was a mole.

Mr Yeltsin, it has emerged, was the famous 'Russian linesman' in the 1966 World Cup Final, and it is thought that Ball may have been the unfortunate victim of an unlikely 'exchange deal'.

Ball, who was the first player on Earth to wear white boots, started his playing career at Blackpool before enjoying stints at Everton, Arsenal, Southampton and in the US.

He died on Tuesday from a heart attack after tackling a bonfire in his garden.

Former England team-mate Sir Geoff Hurts, said:

"He was never afraid of tackling anybody."

Commenting on the bizarre burial mix-up, Ball's former manager, the bizarrely-named Lawrie McMenenenememey, now a nobody, said:

"It's just like Bally. He was always out of position."

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