The Government has gone ahead with its controversial plans to downgrade classification of the drug Cannabis from a Class B to Class C substance. This means that the drug will no longer be an arrestable offence, although still illegal to posses or sell.
The move has been welcomed by some Police Officers who will now be able to focus on harder drugs such as Paracetamol and Nurofen.
Anti-drugs campaigners have condemned the move as being "The precursor to Armageddon". Campaigners say that it is certain that we will all be either raped, assualted or stolen from in the next few weeks by a "Cannabis crazed lunatic".
Although there is no official link to Marijuana and serial, ritualistic or blood-lust killings, it has long been suspected that shortly after smoking Cannibis, the user begins to experience the uncontrolable will to maim and eat brains, this is followed by a rampage of wantan destruction, throughout which, the user will be completely unaware of the horrific acts he is committing and will not stop until either all around him lie in crumpled broken heaps, or someone else skins up.
Certain that anarchy is months away, many communites have begun to stock up on non-perishable goods such as chocolate and tinned food. A Police spokesman has spoken out to discourage this behaviour stating that the act of stockpiling chocolate may actually make residents a target.
"Cannabis users, as well as their alleged lust for puppies brains, usually crave chocolate and often will brave sub-zero temperatures and monsoon conditions to travel through darkness until they reach 24-hour garages just to obtain a cocoa and suger fix"
It is likely that once the hoards of stoned killers realise that chocolate is being held in large quantities by terrified residents, they will undoubtedly set about them, 'like a berserk raptor to a nest of sleeping kittens'.
A spokesman for the Legalise Cannabis Campaign spoke today of his disbelief at the comments: