Jade Goody, celebrity unemployable idiot, continues her spectacular fall from grace with reports that she has gone wild and is living in a makeshift tent in Epping Forest.
Jade shot to fame in series 3 of the Big Brother reality TV show, despite only coming fourth. More recently she shot her media career dead when she and her ghastly family appeared on Celebrity Big Brother earlier this year amid accusations of the racist bullying of Bollywood film star and fellow housemate Shilpa Shetty.
Since then Jade's fortunes have suffered a dramatic decline. Her perfume Shh was removed from cosmetics counters all over the country and the paper-backed edition of her not self penned "autobiography" was withdrawn from publication.
It would now appear that Jade's extravagant lifestyle has left her with no money what so ever and she recently had to sell her £1.5m Essex home to pay her debts leaving her with nowhere to live. However she seems to have solved the problem herself.
Johnson Wiggler was walking his dog in Epping Forest when he got the surprise of his life. He said:
"I could see this mound up ahead all covered in leaves and twigs. As I got closer I could hear something inside moving. All of a sudden the front of the mound opened and this pig-like creature came out, all filthy with wet matted hair on it's head. it looked like something from Doctor Who. My dog Bruno was terrified and ran off. The creature looked at me then ran towards me shouting the most foul obscenities, at that moment I realised it was Jade Goody. I got out my camera and took a quick snap but I wasn't quick enough and she punched me in the face. After that I got out of there fast."
Mr. Wiggler's photo [above right] has been analyzed by experts who say that they believe it is of Miss Goody. The police have also been contacted. Superintendent David Strangle said that a team of officers were searching the forest and that if Jade has gone wild it may be necessary to use tranquilliser darts.