Written by queen mudder
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Monday, 23 April 2007

image for Sheryl Crowe: Ken Livingstone's ultimate soul mate?
Global warning: one sheet or two?

London - (Ass Mess): London Mayor Ken Livingstone may have found his karmic twin at last amid reports that popular singer Sheryl Crowe has advised environmentalists that using one square of loo paper is sufficient for most people's hygiene needs.

"OK, I admit very occasionally it's necessary to use two or three squares, maximum. It happens. But if everybody cut right down on wiping themselves just think how easy it would be to reverse global warming and save the planet."

The singer's advice is music to Livingstone's ears.

During the worst drought in London for half a century last year the Mayor told city dwellers that it is wasteful to flush the lavatory after urinating and that he himself often refrained from doing so 'for weeks on end'.

A subsequent swarm of bluebottles over the Cricklewood area of North London near Livingstone's house was identified with the Mayor's hygiene practices.

Dealing with the putrid infestation cost Department of the Environment pest cotrol officers over £2 million and upped Livingstone's carbon footprint to over 10 million cubic emissions.

But Livingstone is unrepentant and is rumored to have invited Crowe to London to spread the word on the latest initiatives to make people feel greener.

"I won't be asking her for a personal demonstration, of course. But a video with an accompanying song on the subject could be interesting," the Mayor said today.

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