Doreen Spanner is a proud mum today for her son, Damian (2), has become the youngest undergraduate at the world famous Uxbridge University.
The brainy baby has secured a place at the seat of learning and will be reading a masters degree in quantum physics.
A proud Doreen told us:
"It's incredible. One minute he was playing with his shape-sorter and the next he was reading all sorts of highbrow literature about rockets and spaceships and that.
This year we asked what he wanted Santa to bring him and instead of the usual teddy bear or summink, he's only gone and asked for a set of logarithmic tables if you please!"
Sir Tarquin Eggplant, vice chancellor of Uxbridge, said:
"This is incredible. Young Damian is credit to his mum and dad, who quite frankly, are both as thick of two short planks. If I was his dad I'd be trying to suss the milkman out or the bloke what fits the gas"
The Spoof can reveal that child prodigies are by no means unique but they are nearly always vomit-inducingly annoying and quite often extremely maladjusted too.