London - (Rotters): The UK charity Age Concern says that satellite tracking should be used to allow families to monitor elderly relatives, especially those with a tendency to impose themselves on foreign countries on the pretext of yet another totally pointless State Visit at taxpayers' expense.
"We see nothing wrong with fitting the elderly relatives of Adolf Hitler and Joseph Stalin with transponders so that the cops can keep an eye on them from a safe distance," said the charity's spokeswoman.
"A simple electronic tagging device worn on the ankle similar to that which felons on parole wear could be easily fitted.
"Some of these increasingly geriatric old duffers are known to be ruthless old geezers who need keeping tabs on.
"If we are able to have electronic traffic monitoring for the London Congestion Charge shouldn't we be able to do royal old age pensioner monitoring when there are concerns?
"If we can bring the same technology together there could be useful applications for the welfare state...er..I mean Civil List.
"Of course it would have to look sensitive as we need to avoid a Big Brother approach.
"But in advanced cases of dementia involving Hellfire Club grande dames insisting on being royal shouldn't something a bit drastic be done at last?"
Lord Levy is 69.