Written by Janet Hedges
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Tuesday, 17 April 2007

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Princes William (left) and Harry (right).

A leaked report from Buckingham Palace has revealed that Princes Harry and William both have a mental age of the average nine year old.

This revelation may not be the only common denominator of the two mentally subnormal brothers. It's also been revealed that the pair have a pathological hatred of the 'general public' and are 'clinically lazy'.

The sensational leaked document, which has stunned the world, reveals that William suffers from a serious mental illness characterized by pervasive instability in moods, interpersonal relationships, self-image doubts and an addiction to cheese cake.

The inbred royal family has cast doubts on the authenticity of the report stating that they will 'look into it when William returns from his latest holiday'.

The report also documents Prince William's outrageous demand for "a custom toupee or hairpiece to be fitted at the soonest". The balding prince was angered when a top aide to the Queen sent him a memo suggesting that, "bald men who feel really good about themselves exude a sense of strength, confidence, passion and masculinity. Don't worry you'll be fine"

A recent medical report suggested that Prince Harry was suffering from physical fatigue, repeated health complaints, red and glazed eyes, and a lasting cough. Experts have concluded that this may be related to his serious alcohol problem.

An email sent from Prince William to a senior royal said, "I get pretty pissed off in nightclub queues when they let miscellaneous hotties who've just rocked up and gone straight to the bouncer in ahead of me. I am a Prince sort it".

Queen Elizabeth was unavailable for comment.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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