Bovington Barracks - (Ass Mess): Prince William was being comforted in the bosom of the army last night as the barracks' camp commander brought in fourteen of the Iran hostage sailors to cheer him up following his break-up with wannabe somebody Kate Middleton.
"I can tell you there was plenty of fun in the officers' mess last night," said a camp insider.
"When the bar ran out of cider they all went on to the hard stuff.
"Those Navy types, they're absolute animals and Wills soon forgot what it was he was missing. Then after we'd hosed them down for the night, they all slept like babes."
Meanwhile in London speculation is mounting about who was officially the first to find out out about the Kate and William break after diplomatic sources claimed Gordon Brown's Washington meeting with George Bush on Friday was arranged specially so that the lad's biological father would be the first to be informed.
Heather Mills is 41.