London - (Ass Mess): Sources close to the Royal Civil List have confirmed that Kate Middleton has been offered her very own Memorial Fountain in the Rotten Row area of Hyde Park and an appropriate expenses' cheque covering the last six years of fag-hagging on behalf of the UK Hellfire Club.
A Palace spokesman said that this was a standard industry pre-PreNup cancellation deal and would dissaude Middleton from accepting any break-up sweeteners from the media.
These are rumored to include a 10 page spread in Halo! magazine, tabloid hagiography serialisation rights, associated movie deal and intellectual property rights to
William's "love letters".
The Memorial Fountain won't exactly be a grand affair like the Diana water feature on the other side of the Serpentine and may just look a lot like a standard Royal Stables drinking trough irrigated from Hyde Park aquifers.
But it will have a name plaque and picture of Middleton with appropriate dates gilded on a brass nameplate.
The deal is expected to be settled tomorrow.