Written by Gordon Tonker
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Thursday, 12 April 2007

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Half empty or just not full?

Despite predictions of a hot summer for the UK, water companies and weather forecasters have said droughts are unlikely, though they haven't ruled out having to reuse 'bathroom waters'.

The Met Office's official forecast for this summer includes "periods of very hot weather", something of a contrast to the winter, which was correctly forecast as "periods of very cold weather" last year. The forecast, released on Wednesday, fuelled speculation that UK citizens would once again face water shortages once the rain gave way to sunshine.

Water company officials have assured the public that water reserves are high, and at present nearly all the buckets and even some emergency washing up bowls are at near full capacity. Anglia Water's Justin Nuff said "all the rain we have seen since last summer has supplied us with more than enough water to see us through even 2 days of moderate sunshine, no one needs panic". When pressed on the possibility of being able to water garden plants he added "it would be foolish of me to speculate about that now, but lets just say if you have a window box or hanging basket, it is 70% likely to live through the summer".

Pressed on the likelihood of motorists being able to wash their cars during the summer months, Mr Nuff was seen shaking his head but was heard to say "yes, that shouldn't be a problem for most people". However, when asked if 'most people' included water company directors and their large executive cars, he refused to make further comment.

The Environment Agency has issued a warning that people "should continue to save water", suggesting that freezing water now could prove vital if water shortages do arise. The flushing of toilets should also be kept to a minimum and a suggestion of "once a fortnight" was mentioned by one spokesperson. Importing water from other, year-round sun-baked countries also hasn't been ruled out.

The drought seen in 2006 was one of the most serious of the past 100 years and led to hosepipe bans and severe water restrictions for many households. That was blamed on the country having had two dry winters before the warm summer, showing that global warming isn't all good news.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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