Claims made in a British national newspaper that women do not belong in the Armed Forces have angered some high-ranking British Army officials.
The Daily Mail newspaper said that women were not suited to the rough-and-tumble rigours of conflict, and should "pack up their troubles in their old kit bags" and go home.
But Colonel Piers Chauvinist-Schweinhund, a Falklands War veteran, and fan of Adolf Hitler, said:
"That's tosh. We value our women extremely highly. They're every bit as useful as the men in many areas, including catering and the laundry."
Lance Corporaless Jane Skivvy of the Queens Royal Household Washing & Ironing Artillery agreed:
"There's nothing a man can do that I can't, apart from when the washer door sticks, or that little red light on the iron won't come on."
Another very important woman officer, Hyacinth Pencil-Sharpener, of the crack Mucking-out The Horses Regiment, said:
"Oh, ja! It's awfully good in the Armers! Equal treatment for the chaps and the chapesses, what? Rather!"
The outcry comes just days after the Iranian Government allowed the release of 15 Royal Navy personnel captured whilst swimming in Iranian waters two weeks ago. Amongst their number was Faye Turnkey who smokes 100 cigarettes a day, and sleeps with her rifle.
She was a particular favourite of Iranian President Mahmoud Armadinnerlady, who said:
"Britain is right to use women in its Armed Forces. They should use more. That way, they will be easier to beat in a scrap."