Written by Martin Gooseflesh
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Thursday, 5 April 2007

image for Recycling Means End Of London Front Gardens
If it's good enough for City Hall, it's good enough for everyone

Londoners today faced the end of traditional front gardens in the wake of a new initiative from London Mayor Ken Livingstone.

In a move that is sure to enrage the green fingered community, all front gardens in Greater and Central London are to be dug up. No more will London residential streets see the likes of the rose bush and the privet hedge, instead there will be a flat concreted area.

The scheme was announced this morning at a press conference at city hall. Mr. Livingstone explained the idea behind it had to do with recycling.

"We are all aware of the urgent need to recycle more and more of our domestic waste. This has led to an increasing number of different recycle bins, for paper, plastic food and garden waste etc. All these bins have to be kept outside the front of our houses, the simple fact is that there is not enough space in the average front garden to accommodate all these bins and have a display of flowers and plants. Therefore the only option open to us is to remove all plants from the front of houses across London, leaving a space in which to tidily display our recycle bins."

When asked if he thought that wide scale removal of plants wasn't a bad thing for the environment, Mr. Livingstone replied: "You can't have your cake and eat it, you idiot." He went on to say that teams of contractors would begin the restructuring work in January 2008.

House holders are expected to launch a campaign against this decision.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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