Hyde Park - (Ass Mess): Unemployed foreigners including Romanians and vulgarians have been spotted camping and squatting in cardboard boxes at London's Hyde Park, home of the Princess Diana Memorial Fountain and other notable sources of E Coli, French Foreign Legionnaires disease and crabs.
According to the Royal Perks Agency up to five hundred of these work shy johnny foreigners have been seen under brushwood in the densely coppiced thicket close to Kensington Palace.
"Some of them were copulating in a large Tesco's biscuit carton yesterday under the light of the full moon," complained local resident Mrs Molly Nutkins of 22b The Terrace, Kensington Palace Gardens.
"And then they upped and left their used condoms and lavatory paper behind in a spot reserved for new herbaceous border planting later next month. I ask you."
Parks Police has launched an investigation and promised any squatters found "will be deported immediately to Vulgaria or wherever it is they come from."
No comment was available from the squatters' ambassador.