Written by Monkey Woods
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Monday, 2 April 2007

image for Scotland Yardies To Help Out In Annoying Woolmer Murder
A Scotland Yardie

Police in Jamaica investigating the suspicious murder of Pakistan cricket coach Bob Woolworth will get extra help with their enquiries this week, when UK police fly out to the murder scene.

The police, from the 'Scotland Yardies', a crack team of Glasgow-based "law enforcement" officers, have already set out for the Caribbean, and will be "in the field", possibly at Square Leg, by next Friday.

Police Constable Chaka Demus, demoted recently due to the lack of an arrest, said:

"Shabba! The Yardies are coming! Lock up y' stash, mon!"

Having reviewed CCTV footage from Mr Woolmer's hotel corridor, the police have discovered that 48 undisclosed guests were staying in a single room originally reserved for Bangladesh captain Habibul Bashar. A significant extra tariff has been levied against the Bangladesh team, and, due to financial constraints, they will be returning home to poverty at the weekend.

Meanwhile, the Jamaican Police don't have a clue who, or what, killed Slowcoach.

Sergeant Jet Black, of the Yardies, said:

"Whatever else we may find, you can rest assured it won't be drugs. If you know what I mean, mon."

The investigation continues at snail's pace.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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