London - Assinine Mess): Enough of this Diana crap. Papers to be released next week will show that the scheming IRA bomber who masquaraded as Princess Diana was the illegitimate daughter of George Herbert Bush.
Bush himself is the bastard son of Pope Pius XII, and screwed Marcia Williams, private secretary to UK Prime Monster Harold Wilson, who then bore him a daughter.
The girl was cuckooed into the Spencer household after the real Diana was murdered following a gang rape by the Yorkshire Ripper and former Home Secretary David Blunkett.
Marica Williams was aptly rewarded and became Lady Falkender after acting as the Duchess of Edinburgh's financial courier and paying off George Bush Junior for his seminal work in assassinating President Kennedy.
And now a memorial service to the witless Diana is to be held in a modest venue "so small that most of her old IRA bomber chums don't expect to be invited."
What's more, the sermon will be given by aradical cleric Abu Hamza on special day release from HMP Belmarsh.
The UK's Daily Fascist has bemoaned these arrangements as not grand enough for the nation's former top Hellfire Club slapper.
And an outraged Hellfire perv Lord St John of Fawsley has demanded a day on national mourning so he can get his face in the papers again to plug his vanity publication "Diana, My Personal Angel".
Cherie Blair is under sedation.