Chequers - (Rutters): A smug and confident UK Prime Monster Tony Blair told a press conference today that he is expecting a five mile parody exclusion zone around him at his country retreat of Chequers this weekend amid fears of some waggish prank being played on him as Palm Sunday co-incides with traditional April Fools Day festivities.
"And that includes Commander Yates turning up and saying 'I am arresting you for perverting the course of justice in the cash-for-honors scam'.
"On Sunday I shall accompany my lovely wife Cherie to a full-bling Tridentine Mass at the local Church of St Pedophilus-under-the-Virgin and taking part in the annual Opus Dei-sponsored Palm Greasing procession where an expected £1 million in additional Labour Party loans will be raised.
"Later we are treating Lord Levy to a bit of holistic account massage at our in-house sauna and steam room where the hot tub always bubbles with its healing properties. Like our Connaught Square bijour residence, areal property gem if ever I saw one.
"Anybody attempting to spoof me with an arrest warrant and pair of handcuffs will be dealt with severely. Like, well, you know a two week get-to-know-you holiday with the Navy hostages."
"I guess we have been warned," said a Met spokesman.