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Friday, 30 March 2007

image for Hoodies rocked by New Labour 'cutbacks'

Controversy was the word of the day as a labour majority pushed through tough new measures to stamp down on the blight of ASBO youths in hoodies.

Draconian new rules will see police armed with pinking shears, which will be employed to lop off the hood of any ASBO who is seen to be misbehaving. Mirroring the techniques of the infamous terrorism act, absolutely no evidence will be required and officers will be encouraged to rely on good old fashioned gut instinct, when apprehending the pesky little good for nothings. As this ruling was passed, it was not short of comment, with shamed hack Piers Morgan smirking "I don't usually agree with New Labour 'cut backs' but this'll really hit 'em where it hurts!"

The Tory camp was less pleased however, with Dave Cameron claiming that the legislation was just "Punch and Judy politics," specifically designed to undermine his hard hitting "hug a hoody" policy. "There is absolutely nothing wrong with hoodies" gleamed Cameron "in fact, I often wear one when I'm out with my friends, and do I look like a trouble maker?" To which the right wing fraternity looked at the floor and wrung their hands. Cameron then proceeded to waffle about the time he was on the Colin and Edith show, before chancing upon a group of mixed-race photo opportunities.

The east of England was also in uproar, with a spokesman from Norwich based 'Above the Law Crew' blasting the ruling as "political correctness gone mad"

At Downing street today, Tony Blair was stead fast in his response to the criticism. "ASBO hoodies are a real and immediate threat to UK security and it is up to us to remove this threat. What's more, the economy is better then under any Conservative government, employment is up and investment in the NHS is at a record high" When asked about the relevance of this information to the present issues, Mr Blair responded with "no further comment"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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