London - (Ass Press): Kate Middleton, the hired fag-hag paid to impersonate heterosexual bliss with the Pretender to the Throne's elder son William, has sent a complaint to the Press Complaints Commission bemoaning that she has been steadfastly ignorned after foreign tarts were snapped snogging the Princelet in Wagamama.
Her solicitors have written an industry-standard £1,000 letter alleging the papps have breached PCC agreements stating she would be the only female pictured groping young William.
The Commission has said it is investigating her rant and will check the small print to see if any conractual breaches have occured resulting in Ms Middleton losing the public's attention.
Under Hellfire Club rules Middleton has exclusive pubic access to William's private parts in return for a wardrobe allowance, tickets to horseraces, weekly coke supply and haemmorhoid treatment at the Harley Street Clinic.
Extras such as facials, hairdressing, colonic irrigation and yoga all have to be met from her pitiful salary as an assistant buyer for the Tampax Corporation.
The PCC has promised to investigate.