Geordie strumpet and porno star, Heather Mills McCartney, has said in a BBC interview that there are mighty forces ranged against her and that everybody's out to get her.
The paranoid gold digger told Jeremy Paxos:
"See like Jezza man pet. They're all oot ta get me man. That Pawl that ah still love like's probably behind it an all.
Ah made a phone call last neet like and just before ah turned the hand-set off ah heard John Lennon saying We'll get you love you evil cow! in some kind of weird backwards voice like. It scared the shit oot o' me man pet"
A spokesman for Apple told The Spoof:
"Our iMac is the dog's swingers and looks dead sexy. In my opinion it's a lot better than any old desktop PC"
Meanwhile voice of Thomas the Tank Engine, The Ringo Kid, commented:
"Say! When The Sisko Kid rides into town there's only one of us that's gonna ride out again. Know what I'm saying?"