Home Secretary and celebrated dimwit John Reid has said that a clampdown has been launched targetting "bloody foreigners who come to our country illegitimately and steal our benefits and women".
"None of these bastards have fathers", he said, adding "they're all the bloody same!"
"All illegal immigrants", Reid went on, "will be asked for evidence of knowing who their fathers are. Failure to provide this evidence, or a £10,000 bribe, will result in a swift ejection back to the hovel of their origin."
He falsely claimed that Britain was "chucking out" record numbers of illegitimate ingrates, and vowed to continue making life "constrained and uncomfortable" for them.
But Kip O'Timble, a Miserable Democrat, who is married to a bloody foreigner, said:
"Impersonating Alf Garnett won't absolve him of his responsibility for migration failings. The subject of illicit impotents and illegitimate immoralists is close to my heart.
My girlfriend is a Cheeky Girl, She is a Cheeky Girl,
She doesn't know who her father is,
She is a Cheeky Girl."
Ex-Tory MP Patrick Mercernary, who originally played Alf Garnett in the 1970s sitcom 'Til Death Us Do Part, said:
"Illegitimate immigrants? You mean those darkies?"