Troubled pop star George Michael, now sixty- four years of age, has found himself in the spotlight, again, for reasons of questionable conduct. The star, of Wham fame, was caught, once again, in a 'compromising situation' in a public convenience - this time whilst training for The London Marathon.
With the famous marathon only weeks away, most of the competitors have already begun their arduous training regimes. George, like the rest, was, this morning, undertaking his usual morning strut around the streets of London. Unlike the rest, and in an unusual departure from normal protocol, the songster had decided to prepare in full costume as a dress rehearsal for the main event. His full- body banana suit was, however, no match for a cunning London 'bobby' on his beat.
"I had been running for a good two hours and then I needed a piss... it's understandable with all of that sports drink- metabolic bollocks you have to drink... it runs straight through you like... like... well like piss" explained a disconsolate George today sporting, as usual, his pathetic little beard and trimmed sideburns.
"I stopped at an old traditional English pub called: The Arse and Bandit to relieve myself. While I was in there I decided to knock- one- out for old time's sake. I knew, at the time, that it was risky what with what happened before and that but... you know... when you need one, you need one. I thought I would never have been recognised in the banana suit but I had removed the head part of the costume for comfort's sake" continued George looking increasingly like a child who had realised that he had made a mistake and was trying to make excuses.
Sixty- three year old, near retirement, Metropolitan Police officer James Barber was the official that spotted George in the pub toilet.
"I, like George, had simply called in for a quick slash" said Barber "As I stood at the urinal I could hear contented moans coming from the left-hand cubicle. I suppose George was unlucky that the hinge on the door, at that point, failed and revealed him going ten- to-the- dozen. My first thought was for my own safety and, more specifically, my, as yet, unbreached arsehole so I quickly put my todger away and nicked the twat."
A Police source told TheSpoof:
"We are still not sure if this is a wind up. I mean: GEORGE- FREAKING- MICHAEL dressed up as a falic symbol spanking his monkey in a bog... Is he taking the piss out of us?"