Written by aningeniousname
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Friday, 2 March 2007

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Inside Scotland's Glenalkie porridge mine.

Perthshire- It was just after 3.00pm yesterday afternoon, in the small Scottish mining town of Glenalkie, that news first started to filter out of the local porridge works that there had been a massive cave in 2500ft beneath the the main pit head of Scotlands largest working porridge mine.

The cave in was believed to have started, Thursday just after 2.00pm , when bekilted miners dynamited a huge untapped porridge seam which then quickly transformed itself into the thing all porridge miners fear; a porridge slip.
Early reports suggest that as many as fifty local men remain trapped underground; neck deep in what the proud locals of Glenalkie call "White gold"


The Glenalkie porridge mines have been the main source of income for the families of the town ever since the huge deposits of untapped oats were first discovered in the late nineteeth century.
Local people are well aware of the dangers of deep earth porridge mining; but as one resident told me "Aye laddie this is a porridge town and a porridge town it'll stay."

So far all rescue efforts have been hampered by the fear of vibrations from the diggers causing a second and surely fatal porridge slip. All attempts at contacting the stricken miners have failed and some around the town are now fearing the worst; unless the men can somehow manage to eat themselves to the surface.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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