Written by Monkey Woods

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Topics: Police, Dogs

Friday, 2 March 2007

image for Alsation Impersonating Lamb In Kebab Kennel Of Death
All dishes come with fries

A Police Dog Training School can breathe a sigh of relief this morning after detectives finally got to the bottom of a mystery that has decimated its ranks.

The Filthdog Training School in Dewsbury, West Yorkshire, houses two thousand German Shepherds, but recently some animals were turning up for training a little worse for wear - they only had three legs!

After deliberating over the problem for several months, and many dogs, it took a flash of inspiration from one of West Yorkshire Police's Muslim Constables to solve the puzzle.

MC Al Jazeera, who doesn't have a beard, suspected something was amiss at his local kebab house, The Golden Kennel, particularly with the lamb dishes.
Acting on instinct, he organised a dawn raid, and discovered a scene so horrifying, that pet lovers wouldn't have liked it.

For there, in makeshift kennels at the back of the shop, owner and part-time doctor Zaheer al-Sation was sedating Police dogs, and humanely removing their left hind legs, as a substitute for lamb.

When arrested, Mr al-Sation told officers he thought the dogs were being bred for food, and didn't think the Training School would mind him taking a few.

"I only took ten dogs per week", he moaned, "and I always returned them unharmed afterwards."

Sergeant Constable Detective Chief Inspector Al Seimer of West Yorkshire Police, said:

"By 'eck! Quite how this individual imagined the school would not notice is beyond me. Having said that, the animals were treated well whilst in his care. And it's well-known that this particular school is vastly overpopulated."

Terry Paddedcell, 38, a lunchtime customer at The Three Legged Dog pub opposite Mr al-Sation's shop, said he was a regular customer at the kebab house, and hadn't noticed anything wrong with the food there.

"Apart from all the blessid barking int' back!", he said.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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