Lord Lucan has been found alive and well and living at a Nature Park in Scotland. This time as a red squirrel.
He spends most of his time climbing through fir trees and collecting nuts for immediate consumption or for long term storage for the winter months. He was spotted by a man shooting birds who notified Scotland Yard.
A spokesman for the Police said:
"His facial features are completely realistic; he looks just like a squirrel! You couldn't hardly tell it was him. Especially at a long distance. I mean, if you were standing maybe forty or fifty feet away, you couldn't really be certain it was him but if the mist had lifted and with the sun over your shoulder, God willing, I reckon you could sus it was him."
Other eye witnesses commented on the originality and realistic surgery that had made the miraculous transformation possible. How they got the fur on is anybody's guess.
Volunteers from the RSPCA and UNICEF have joined in the hunt for the Lord who knew John Aspinall from Howletts.