Written by Monkey Woods
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Thursday, 1 March 2007

image for Man Seen Urinating Into Supermarket Petrol Tanker - Police Investigating
The "contaminated" tanker is being tested by police

Two supermarkets have insisted that their petrol is not faulty after millions of owners complained that their vehicles exploded.

Mesco and Torrisons said that tests had been carried out, but that they had been unable to find any problems with the fuel.

"Whatever the case", said Barry Checkout of the Trolley Collectors Union FETCHIT, "the fuel tested was perfectly safe for human consumption."

Consumers, though, are angry. The BBC had, this morning, received more than half a million callers, and its website was overloaded with emails. This was due partly, however, to the fact that its email address is very similar to that used by the British Olympic Committee.

Wayne Boyracer, 18, of Romford, said:

"It's atrocious. I was hurtling down the M25, when my bonnet just flew off. There were flames leaping out of the engine. I nearly had an accident."

Another driver, Frank Liar, of Nottingham, told how his car exploded when he turned the ignition key as he got into his car.

"It was like a scene from 'Casino'. I crapped myself!"

There have been claims by several motorists that a lorry driver may have "interfered with" his load in a lay-by near Derby. At least twelve drivers say they saw a man standing on the tanker platform urinating through a long tube.

Police are investigating.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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